Check Out These Wacky Board Games

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Pinky Lee Vintage and The Runaway Frankfurters Game

Spend an exciting evening chasing hotdogs around the gameboard. The first to capture a frankfurter gets to put it on his or her wagon. This fills the niche market for those who really like to play with their food. 

Of course, parents are always teaching children not to play with their food… except when they are supposed to play with their food. Or wait a minute… maybe the goal is to humanize your food so you want to eat it. But doesn’t that just sound really creepy?

If that doesn’t satisfy your cravings, however, you might try…

Mr. Bacon’s Big Adventure

Travel on a cholesterol-laden journey through Meatland, where you have to sail across the Sausage Sea and past the Weiner Wasteland to get safely to the Great Frying Pan. Essentially, this is Candy Land with nitrates.

Again, this is to fill that niche market of people who just really want to pick up pieces of meat, dripping with grease, and dress them up as cute little characters before chomping their heads off.

This may be a somewhat healthier alternative to…

Donner Dinner PartyDonner Dinner Party

Described as a “rowdy game of frontier cannibalism,” this is just the thing for those who want to have a lighthearted evening reliving the horrifying deaths by cannibalism, starvation, and exposure of nearly forty people For those interested in learning how Abraham Lincoln nearly became a member/victim of this horrific chapter in U.S. history, be sure to read this.

All of this revelry with death should put the player in a good mood to play…

Big Funeral Card GameBig Funeral

Alternately known as “Schickeria”, this 1964 card game by Hexagames, is described as follows:

A card game of wits for 3-6 people.
Theme: Throw Wild Funeral Parties While Still Alive
Scheme: Make Your Friends Look Cheap. Send Them To Slob Hill In An Orange Crate Coffin
Dream: Accumulate $50,00 Worth of Hearses, Tombstones And Other Status Symbols.

And, as well as we’re on the cheery, rip-roaring topic of death, why don’t we all play…

Capital Punishment game

Capital Punishment

The objective of this game is to get all four of your “criminals” into Life Imprisonment, Death Row, or the Electric Chair. Winners are those who keep as away as possible from the “Path of Justice,” which results in the inmates being put back on the street where they can murder more innocent victims.

What Shall I Be? The Exciting Game of Career Girls

This 1966 board game serves to show how far we have progressed in the past 60 years or so. Girls are encouraged to dream big and plan for a possible career as an airline hostess, model, ballet dancer, or nurse. 

Of course, if you can’t get a job in one of those careers, there’s always the option of…

Public Assistance

“Why bother working for a living?” is the question asked by the manufacturers of this board game. The objective is for the player to make his or her way through life while living off the public coffers, collecting welfare, food stamps, and any other available public handouts.

For those children whose fathers have mastered the art of not working, we recommend…

Don’t Wake Daddy

For reasons unknown, Daddy is sleeping in the kitchen in a bed right next to the refrigerator. Players have to sneak a midnight snack without triggering the spring-loaded mattress and sending Daddy hurtling through the air. Why Daddy doesn’t simply sleep in the bedroom is a mystery. 

Even more of a mystery is…

Post Office

What is the mystery of this game? Why it is called “Post Office” when it has nothing to delivering the mail.  The player must pick a card and perform the stunt described.  Stunts include eating a potato chip at the same time as another player or whistling Yankee Doodle. With this kind of madcap zaniness, the game can be played for hours at a time!

Morron Terror

This 1994 Swedish game must surely have lost something in its translation. The subtitle “med Morsan i högform” translates as “with Mother in high form.” The game is all about getting a guy named Freddy dressed. That’s it. Where is the terror, you ask? Perhaps in the knowledge that someone thought this was a good idea for a game.

For some true terror, consider the following three games, which earn their way on this list out of sheer racial offensiveness…

Life as a Blackman gameLife as a Blackman

This 1999 game comes with a political message: it’s harder than you think to be young and black. Players all start as 18-year-old black males either in Glamourwood, Black University, the Military, or in the Ghetto. Through die rolls, players work their way through the randomly selected starting areas and into Downtown, an approximation of life in the real world. Players may find themselves going to Church to right past wrongs, or spend time in Prison for making bad decisions. The first person to reach the Freedom space at the top of the board wins.

Darkies in the Melon Patch

This one would be bad enough if it had been created in the 1930s, as the manufacturer suggests. In reality, it is a modern game that has been designed and marketed as if it were from a bygone period. The font used on the cover is a variant of Mistral and Arial, typefaces not invented until 1953 and 1982 respectively. Moreover, the type of printing used wasn’t available until at least the 1930s. So, this “fun” game is simply a way for someone to make money by perpetuating hateful racial stereotypes. In other words, steer clear of this one for Christmas morning gifts.

Beat the Border

First released in 1971, this game has players pretending to be drug traffickers trying to cross the southern U.S. border. The not-so-subtle racist messages throughout the game only add to the offensiveness. Players win when they successfully bring kilos of drugs into the US in order to sell them in various cities while avoiding U.S. law enforcement agents. As long as you are wanting to break the law, though, why not try…

The Suicide Bomber Card Game 

Suicide Bomber Card GameBecause nothing says “fun” like trying roleplaying a terrorist, setting bombs in crowded metropolitan areas for the purpose of inflicting maximum carnage. Surely this was created prior to the horror of the September 11, 2001, terrorist acts, right? Wrong. This game was released in 2003.

At least this must be a game to appeal to adults. After all, you wouldn’t want to encourage this sort of thinking in — wait a minute — the game is marketed for ages 12 and up. Maybe the real terror is in the marketing department.

OK… enough with that kind of terror. Let’s try something that is decidedly different fuel for nightmares…

Pimple Pete

Let’s let the game manufacturers speak for themselves on this one: “Play one on one and take turns “popping” pimples. The player who bursts the Mega Zit is eliminated and the other player is the winner. Add more players for a pimple-popping competition. Earn points for each pimple you “pop” without exploding the Mega Zit. The player with the most points is the Pimple Pete champion.” 

Words fail us. As long as we’re on the subject of unhealthy habits, let’s try…

Smokers Wild

Keep in mind that this game is advertised as appropriate for ages 8 and up. At the start of the game, each player picks a profession likely to benefit from the smoking of others (Doctor, Undertaker, etc.) and then starts moving around the board. If a player lands on an advertising space, there’s a chance that he or she will begin smoking. When a smoker ends up sharing a space with another player, there’s a chance he’ll pawn one of his brand habits to him. The more a player smokes, the faster they advance on the Life-O-Metre, which ends with death. The game ends once the first player dies (in the short game) or when only one player remains alive (in the longer game).As long as we are having fun with horrible, lingering death, let’s try…

Big Foot

Another game for 8-year-olds, this game has you looking for gold, while simultaneously avoiding Big Foot. The winner is the last one alive after Big Foot eats everyone else. The game is included in this list because, once you realize that Big Foot is evil, the picture on the game’s box turns downright creepy.

In light of the adrenaline rush from running from Big Foot, maybe it’s time to take a break and look at…


The objective of this “thrilling Australian surfboard race game” is to take a team of 2 surfboard riders from the start at the beach, around the buoy to the finish.

Essentially, it’s a lot like watching paint dry, only without all the excitement.

Let’s Be Safe GameLet’s Be Safe

If you are looking for a truly awkward family night, you might try “Let’s Be Safe.” This game promises a fun way to help you “discuss sensitive issues with your child in a fun, relaxed manner.” There’s nothing like gathering around the table and reminding children that the world is a ghastly place to live.

As long as we’re on the subject of how weird and awkward the real world can be, why not check out…

Funny Finger

Try to imagine the creative meeting that came up with this one. “Let’s have kids stick their fingers through holes and wiggle them around! That’s hilarious and fun!” What is hilarious and fun is the realization that someone thought that would be hilarious and fun.

The box proclaims, “Funny Fingers everywhere, sticking here and there…” If you aren’t doubled over with laughter now, you just don’t understand the word “funny.”

What’s worse, is…

Feeley Meeley

This game just feels creepy. The objective is to reach your hand into a box, feel something, and figure out what it is.

It really sounds like a hazing ritual for a fraternity. The box proclaims it as “the game that gives you a funny feeling.”

‘Nuff said.

Speaking of feelings…

Monopoly for MilennialsMonopoly for Millennials

Taking a departure from traditional Monopoly, this game is marketed toward the generation that embraces the box’s tag line: “Forget real estate. Who can afford it, anyway?” Players can visit vegan bistros, their friend’s couch, or their parents’ basement. Instead of collecting money, players accumulate life experiences. Unfortunately, life experiences cannot be cashed in to purchase the game, so we’re in a bit of a quandary from the start.

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