Humor

Go to Law School Over These Eponymous Laws — Part I


#eponymouslaws #murphyslaw #laws

Most people are familiar with Murphy’s Law — whatever can go wrong, will. Many more people than Mr. Murphy have posited laws, principles, and rules that bear their names. See how many of these eponymous laws you know. 

Aigner’s Axiom:  No matter how well you perform your job, a superior will seek to modify the results.

Airplane Law:  When the plane you’re on is late, the plane you’re transferring to is on time.

Alinsky’s Rule for Radicals:  Those who are most moral are farthest from the problem.

Allen’s Axiom: When all else fails, read the directions.

Allen’s Law:  Almost anything is easier to get into than to get out of.

Amand’s Law of Management:  Everyone is always someplace else.

Anderson’s Law of Media Production: When creating a media project, you may choose two and only two of the following: 1.) inexpensive, 2.) quality, and 3.) fast.

Anthony’s Law of Force:  Don’t force it; get a larger hammer.

Anthony’s Law of the Workshop:  Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.  Corollary:  On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes.

Aristotle’s Dictum:  One should always prefer the probable impossible to the improbable possible.

Army Axiom:  Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.

Arthur’s First Law of Love:  People to whom you are attracted inevitably think you remind them of someone else.

Atwood’s Fourteenth Corollary:  No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep.

Baker’s Law of Economics:  You never want the one you can afford.

Ballance’s Law of Relativity:  The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you’re on.

Banana Principle:  If you buy bananas or avocados before they are ripe, there won’t be any left by the time they are ripe.  If you buy them ripe, they rot before they are eaten.

Barth’s Distinction:  There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don’t.

Baruch’s Observation:  If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Basic Baggage Principle:  Whatever carrousel you stand by, your baggage will come in on another one.

Basic Law of Befuddlement and Football: The best defense is a good offense.

Basic Law of Exams:  The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.

Beach’s Law:  No two identical parts are alike.

Beck’s Political Law:  A good slogan beats a good solution.

Bedfellow’s Rule:  The one who snores will fall asleep first.

Beifeld’s Principle:  The probability of a young man meeting with a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a better looking and richer male friend.

Bell’s Theorem:  When a body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Berkowitz’s Postulate: A clean desk gives a sense of relief and a plan for impending disaster.

Berman’s Corollary to Roberts’s Axiom:  One man’s error is another man’s data.

Berra’s First Law:  You can observe a lot just by watching.

Berra’s Second Law:  Anyone who is popular is bound to be
despised.

Beryl’s Law:  The “Consumer Report” on the item will come out a week after you’ve made your purchase.  Corollaries:  1.  The one you bought will be rated “unacceptable”.  2.  The one you almost bought will be rated “best buy.”

Biondi’s Law:  If your project doesn’t work, look for the part you didn’t think was important.

Bitton’s Postulate on State-of-the-Art Electronics:  If you understand it, it’s obsolete.

Blair’s Observation:  The best-laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal.

Bocklage’s Law:  He who laughs last probably didn’t get the joke.

Bogovich’s Law:  He who hesitates is probably right.

Boling’s Postulate:  If you’re feeling good, don’t worry.  You’ll get over it.

Borkowski’s Law:  You can’t guard against the arbitrary.

Bowersox’s Law of the Workshop:  If you have only one nail, it will bend.

Boyle’s Laws:  1) The first pull on the cord will always send the drapes the wrong way. 2) Anything sore will be bumped more often.

Bralek’s Rule for Success:  Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you when things go wrong.

Britt’s Green Thumb Postulate:  The life expectancy of a houseplant varies inversely with its price and directly with its ugliness.

Bromberg’s First Law of Auto Repair:  When the need arises, the tool or object closest to you becomes a hammer.

Bromberg’s Second Law of Auto Repair:  No matter how minor the task, you will inevitably end up covered with grease and motor oil.

Brook’s Law:  Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

Brook’s Laws of Retailing:  Security isn’t.  Management can’t. Sales promotions don’t.  Customer assistance doesn’t.  Worker’s won’t.

Brooke’s Law: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something that either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

Bucy’s Law:  Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.

Bumper-To-Bumper Belief:  Traffic congestion increases in proportion to the length of time the street is supervised by a traffic control officer.

Bureaucracy Principle:  Only a bureaucracy can fight a bureaucracy.

Burr’s Law: You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, and that’s sufficient.

Cafeteria Law:  The item you had your eye on the minute you walked in will be taken by the person in front of you.

Canada Bill’s Motto:  A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.

Captain Penny’s Law:  You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can’t fool MOM.

Cardinal Conundrum:  An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds.  A pessimist fears this is true.

Carlson’s Consolation: Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.

Chapman’s Commentary on Paul’s Law:  It takes children three years to learn Paul’s Law.

Cheop’s Law:  Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

Chisholm’s First Corollary:  If you do something that you are sure will meet with everybody’s approval, somebody won’t like it.

Chisholm’s Second Corollary:  If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.

Chisholm’s Second Law:  When things are going well, something will go wrong.

Churchill’s Commentary on Man:  Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.

Clarke’s First Law: When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

Clarke’s Second Law: The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.

Clarke’s Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Clarke’s Law of Revolutionary Ideas: Every revolutionary idea — in Science, Politics, Art or Whatever — evokes three stages of reaction. They may be summed up by the three phrases:  1. “It is completely impossible — don’t waste my time.”  2. “It is possible, but it is not worth doing.”  3. “I said it was a good idea all along.”

Clyde’s Law: If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.

Cochrane’s Aphorism:  Before ordering a test, decide what you will do if it is (1) positive or (2) negative.  If both answers are the same, don’t take the test.

Cole’s Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

Collin’s Conference Principle:  The speaker with the most monotonous voice speaks after the big meal.

Computer Programmer’s Lament:  Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

Conway’s Law:  In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on; eventually this person will be fired.

Cooper’s Metalaw:  A proliferation of new laws creates a proliferation of new loopholes.

Cornuelle’s Law:  Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.

Courtois’s Rule:  If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.

Dale’s Parking Postulate:  If only two cars are left in a vast parking lot, one will be blocking the other.

Darrow’s Comment:  History repeats itself.  That’s one of the things wrong with history.

Davis’s Law:  If a headline ends in a question mark, the answer is “no”.

De Jesus’s Observation:  An expert is that person who is most surprised by the latest evidence to the contrary.

Deal’s First Law of Sailing:  The amount of wind will vary inversely with the number and experience of the people you take on board.

Deal’s Second Law of Sailing:  No matter how strong the breeze when you leave the dock, once you have reached the furthest point from port the wind will die.

Dedera’s Law:  In a three-story building served by one elevator, nine times out of ten, the elevator car will be on a floor where you are not.

DeHay’s Axiom:  Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later.

DeVyver’s Law: Given a sufficient number of people and an adequate amount of time, you can create insurmountable opposition to the most inconsequential idea.

Dieter’s Law: The food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.

Dilbert Principle: Incompetent employees are promoted to the position where they can do the least damage – management.

Diner’s Dilemma:  A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.

Dingle’s Law:  When somebody drops something, everybody will kick it around instead of picking it up.

Displaced Hassle Principle: To beat the bureaucracy, make your problem their problem.

Dolan’s Law: If a person has had any connection with Harvard University or the state of Texas, he will find a way to make that known to you during the first ten minutes of your first conversation.

Dooley’s Law:  Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

Doran’s Corollary to the Peter Principle: A person will be promoted two levels beyond his level of incompetence because the person who promoted him in the first place will not admit to the mistake of the first promotion.

Dorr’s Law of Athletics:  In an otherwise empty locker room, any two individuals will have adjoining lockers.

Dr. Samuelson’s Reflection: The real objective of a committee is not to reach a decision, but to avoid it.

Drazen’s Law of Restitution:  The time it takes to rectify a situation is inversely proportional to the time it took to do the damage.  Example:  It takes longer to glue a vase together than to break one.

Drew’s Law of Highway Biology:  The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Drew’s Law of Professional Practice:  The client who pays you the least complains the most.

Drummond’s Law of Personnel Recruiting:  The ideal resume will turn up one day after the job has been filled.

Ducharm’s Axiom:  If one views his problem closely enough he will recognize himself as a part of the problem.

Ducharme’s Precept:  Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

Dude’s Law of Duality:  Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.

Dumb Luck Rule:  You can always hit what you don’t aim at.

Dykstra’s Law:  Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.

Eddie’s First Law of Business:  Never conduct negotiations before 10:00 a.m. or after 4:00 p.m.  Before 10:00 you appear too anxious, and after 4:00 they think you’re desperate.

Edds’s Law of Radiology:  The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body you are required to place on it.

Edelstein’s Advice:  Don’t worry about what other people think of you — they’re too busy worrying about what you think of them.

Ehre’s Laws of Double Doors: In approaching an entrance that has two doors, you will: 1) always enter the locked side; 2) Always pushed when you should have pulled (or vice-versa); 3) Always, even when the door says to push or pull, do the opposite 90% of the time.

Ely’s Law:  Wear the right costume and the part plays itself.

Eng’s Principle:  The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.

Etorre’s Observation: The other line moves faster.

Evans’s and Bjorn’s Law:  No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would.

Evans’s Law:  If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, then you just don’t understand the problem.

Extended Murphy’s Law:  If a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in the worst possible sequence.

Fahnestock’s Rule for Failure:  If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Farber’s Fourth Law:  Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.

Farber’s Third Law: We’re all going down the same road in different directions

Farnsdick’s Corollary:  After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.

Farrell’s Law of New-Fangled Gadgetry:  The most expensive component is the one that breaks.

Felson’s Law:  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Ferguson’s Precept:  A crisis is when you can’t say “let’s forget the whole thing.”

Fifth Law of Unreliability:  To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Fifth Rule of Politics:  When a politician gets an idea, he usually gets it wrong.

Finagle’s Eighth Rule:  Teamwork is essential . . . it allows you to blame someone else.

Finagle’s First Law:  If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

Finagle’s Fourth Law:  Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

Finagle’s Laws of Information:  1. The information you have is not what you want.  2. The information you want is not what you need.  3. The information you need is not what you can obtain.  4. The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.

Finagle’s Sixth Rule:  Do not believe in miracles — rely on them.

Finagle’s Third Law:  In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.

Finman’s Bargain Basement Principle:  The one you want is never the one on sale.

Finster’s Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Firestone’s Law of Forecasting: Chicken Little only has to be right once.

First Law for Freelance Artists:  A high paying rush job comes in only after you’ve committed to a low paying rush job.

First Law of Applied Terror:  When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important ones will be illegible.

First Law of Bridge:  It’s always the partner’s fault.

First Law of Computer Programming:  Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

First Law of Corporate Planning:  Anything that can be changed will be changed up until there is no time left to change anything.

First Law of Debate:  Never argue with a fool — people might forget who’s who.

First Law of Holes: The first step in getting out of the hole you dug for yourself is to stop digging.

First Law of Kitchen Confusion:  In a family recipe that you discovered in an old book, the most vital measurement will be illegible.

First Law of Living:  As soon as you’re doing what you wanted to be doing, you want to be doing something else.

First Law of Money Dynamics:  A surprise monetary windfall will be accompanied by an unexpected expense of the same amount.

First Law of Travel:  It always takes longer to get there than to get back.

First Political Principle:  No politician talks taxes during an election year.

First Rule of Acting:  Whatever happens, look as if it was intended.

First Rule of Intelligent Tinkering:  Save all the parts.

First Rule of Negative Anticipation:  You will save yourself a lot of needless worry if you don’t burn your bridges until you come to them.

First Rule of Superior Inferiority:  Don’t let your superiors know you’re better than they are.

Fish’s First Law of Animal Behavior:  The probability of a cat eating its dinner has absolutely nothing to do with the price of the food placed before it.

Fish’s Second Law of Animal Behavior:  The probability that a household pet making a fuss to go in or out is directly proportional to the number and importance of your dinner guests.

Fiske’s Teenage Corollary to Parkinson’s Law:  The stomach expands to accommodate the amount of junk food available.

Flagle’s Law of the Perversity of Inanimate Objects: Any inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration, may be expected to perform … at any time … in a totally unexpected manner, for reasons that are obscure or else completely mysterious.

Flugg’s Law:  When you need to knock on wood is when you realize the world’s composed of aluminum and vinyl.

Flugg’s Rule:  The slowest checker is always at the quick-check-out lane.

Fourth Law of Holes: If you expect to miss the holes others have left in your path to success, stop looking back at the ones you just climbed out of.

Fowler’s Note:  The only imperfect thing in nature is the human race.

Fox on Levelology:  What will get you promoted on one level will get you killed on another.

Fox on Problematics:  When a problem goes away, the people working to solve it do not.

Freeway Axiom:  The driver behind you wants to go five miles per hour faster.

Freivald’s Law:  Only a fool can reproduce another fool’s work.

Fresco’s Discovery: If you knew what you were doing, you’d probably be bored.  Corollary: Just because you’re bored doesn’t mean you know what you’re doing.

Frothingham’s Fourth Law:  Urgency varies inversely with importance.

Fudd’s First Law of Opposition:  Push something hard enough and it will fall over.

Fulton’s Law of Gravity:  The effort of catching a falling object will cause more destruction than if the object had been allowed to fall in the first place.

Gattuso’s Extension of Murphy’s Law:  Nothing is ever so bad that it can’t get worse.

General Law:  The chaos in the universe always increases.

George’s Law:  All pluses have their minuses.

Gerhardt’s Law: If you find something you like, buy a lifetime supply. They are going to stop making it.

Gilb’s First Law of Computer Unreliability:  Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.

Gioia’s Theory:  The person with the least expertise has the most opinions.

Glaser’s Law:  If it says “one size fits all,” it doesn’t fit anyone.

Glyme’s Formula For Success: The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Gold’s Law:  If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences:  Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Goldenstern’s Rules:  1.  Always hire a rich attorney.  2.  Never buy from a rich salesman.

Golub’s Second Law of Computerdom:  A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project takes only twice as long.

Gourd’s Axiom:  A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

Grandmother Blackburn’s Mental Umbrella: Always be prepared for the worst. If it happens, you are ready for it. If it doesn’t, you will be pleasantly surprised.

Grandpa Charnock’s Law:  You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Grave’s Law: As soon as you make something idiot-proof, along comes another idiot.

Green’s Law of Debate:  Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Greer’s Third Law:  A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.

Grelb’s Reminder:  Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above-average drivers.

Grissom’s Law: The smallest hole will eventually empty the largest container, unless it is made intentionally for drainage, in which case it will clog.

Grocery Bag Law:  The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

Grossman’s Misquote of H.L. Mencken:  Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.

Ground Rule for Laboratory Workers:  When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.

Gualtieri’s Law of Inertia:  Where there’s a will, there’s a won’t.

Gummidge’s Law:  The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.

Gumperson’s Law: The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

Hadley’s First Law of Clothing Shopping:  If you like it, they don’t have it in your size.

Hadley’s Second Law of Clothing Shopping:  If you like it and it’s in your size, it doesn’t fit anyway.

Hamilton’s Rule for Cleaning Glassware:  The spot you are scrubbing is always on the other side.  Corollary:  If the spot is on the inside, you won’t be able to reach it.

Hane’s Law:  There is no limit to how bad things can get.

Hanggi’s Law:  The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree.  Corollary:  The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.

Hardin’s Law:  You can never do just one thing.

Harrison’s Postulate:  For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Hecht’s Fourth Law:  There’s no time like the present for postponing what you don’t want to do.

Heid’s Law of Lines:  No matter how early you arrive, someone else is in line first.

Helga’s Rule:  Say no, then negotiate.

Heller’s Law:  The first myth of management is that it exists.  Corollary: Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization.

Hellrung’s Law:  If you wait, it will go away.  Shavelson’s Extension:  …having done its damage.  Grelb’s Addition:  … If it was bad, it’ll be back.

Henry Kissenger’s Discovery: The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it’s their fault.

Henry’s Quirk of Human Nature:  Nobody loves a winner who wins all the time.

Herblock’s Law:  If it’s good, they discontinue it.

Hershiser’s First Rule:  Anything labeled “NEW” and/or “IMPROVED” isn’t.

Hershiser’s Second Rule:  The label “NEW” and/or “IMPROVED” means the price went up.

Hershiser’s Third Rule:  The label “ALL NEW,” “COMPLETELY NEW” or “GREAT NEW” means the price went way up.

Heymann’s Law:  Mediocrity imitates.

Higdon’s Law:  Good judgment comes from experience.  Experience comes from bad judgment.

Hill’s Comment on Murphy’s Law: 1.  If we lose much by having things go wrong, take all possible care.  2.  If we have nothing to lose by change, relax.  3.  If we have everything to gain by change, relax.  4.  If it
doesn’t matter, it does not matter.

Hlade’s Law:  If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man — he will find an easier way to do it.

Hoare’s Law of Large Problems:  Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

Hoffer’s Law:  When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

Hoffstedt’s Employment Principle:  Confusion creates jobs.

Hollenbeck’s Law:  The direction of take-off will be opposite that of the final destination.

Holten’s Homily:  The only time to be positive is when you are positive you are wrong.

Horner’s Five-Thumb Postulate:  Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

Howe’s Law:  Everyone has a scheme that will not work.

Hughes’s Observation:  Grass growing from sidewalk cracks never turns brown.

Humphries’s Law of Bicycling:  The shortest route has the steepest hills.

Hutchinson’s Law:  If a situation requires undivided attention, it will occur simultaneously with a compelling distraction.

Imbesi’s Law of the Conservation of Filth:  In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty.

Imhoff’s Law:  The organization of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank — the really big lumps always rise to the top.

Indisputable Law of Sports Contracts:  The more money the free agent signs for, the less effective he is the following season.

J.S. Gillette’s Commentary on Decisions:  I always know what I want; I just keep changing my mind.

Jacob’s Law:  To err is human — to blame it on someone else is even more human.

Jacobson’s Law:  The less work an organization produces, the more frequently it reorganizes.

Jacquin’s Postulate on Democratic Government:  No man’s life, liberty or property is safe while the legislature is in session.

Jaffe’s Precept:  There are some things that are impossible to know — but it is impossible to know what these things are.

Jana’s Law of Love:  A dandelion from a lover means more than an orchid from a friend.

Jaruk’s Second Law:  If it would be cheaper to buy a new unit, the company will insist upon repairing the old one.  Corollary: If it would be cheaper to repair the old one, the company will insist on the latest model.

Jay’s First Law of Leadership:  Changing things is central to leadership; changing them before anyone else does is creativity.

Joe’s Law:  The business contact that you have developed at great expense is the first person to be let go in any corporate reorganization.

Joel’s Law of Economics: First Law: For every economist, there is an equal and opposite economist. Second Law: They are both wrong.

John’s Collateral Corollary:  In order to get a loan you must first prove you don’t need it.

Johnson’s Law:  The number of minor illnesses among the employees is inversely proportionally to the health of the organization.

Johnson’s Second Law:  If, in the course of several months, only three worthwhile social events take place, they will all fall on the same evening.

Johnson’s Third Law:  If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will be the issue which contained the article, story or installment you were most anxious to read.  Corollary:  All of your friends either missed it, lost it or threw it out.

Jones’s First Law of TV Programming:  The only new show worth watching will be canceled.

Jones’s Law:  The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

Jose’s Axiom:  Nothing is a temporary as that which is called permanent. Corollary:  Nothing is a permanent as that which is called temporary.

Juhani’s Law:  The compromise will always be more expensive than either of the suggestions it is compromising.

Katz’s Law:  Men and nations will act rationally when all other
possibilities have been exhausted.

Kauffman’s First Law of Airports:  The distance to the gate is inversely proportional to the time available to catch your flight.

Ken’s Law:  A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.

Kennedy’s Comment on Committees:  A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.

Kent Family Law:  Never change your plans because of the weather.

Kerr-Marin Law: 1. In dealing with their OWN problems, faculty members are the most extreme conservatives.  2. In dealing with OTHER people’s problems, they are the most extreme liberals.

Kierkegaard’s Observation:  Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

Kirby’s Comment on Committee:  A committee is the only life form with 12 stomachs and no brain.

Knagg’s Law:  The more grandiose the plan, the greater the chance for failure.

Knox’s Principle of Star Quality:  Whenever a superstar is traded to your favorite team, he fades.  Whenever your team trades away a useless no-name, he immediately rises to stardom.

Kohn’s Corollary to Murphy’s Law:  Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Kranske’s Law:  Beware of a day in which you don’t have something to complain about.

Lackland’s Laws:  1.  Never be first.  2.  Never be last.  3. Never volunteer for anything.

Langsam’s Laws:  1.  Everything depends.  2.  Nothing is always. 3. Everything is sometimes.

Las Vegas Law:  Never bet on a loser because you think his luck is bound to change.

Last Law of Product Design:  If you can’t fix it, feature it.

Last Law:  If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone wrong, it would have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong.

Launegayer’s Observation:  Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.

Law of Annoyance:  When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you’re certain you’re finished with, you will need it instantly.

Law of Applied Terror:  80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed about the one book you didn’t read.

Law of Arbitrary Distinction:  Anything may be divided into as many parts as you please.

Law of Balance:  Bad habits will cancel out good ones.  Example: The orange juice and granola you had for breakfast will be canceled out by the cigarette you smoked on the way to work and the candy bar you just bought.

Law of Christmas Decorating:  The outdoor lights that tested perfectly indoors develop burn-outs as soon as they are strung on the house.

Law of Class Scheduling:  When you are occasionally able to schedule two classes in a row, they will be held in classrooms at opposite ends of the campus.

Law of Gifts:  You get the most of what you need the least.

Law of Highway Construction:  The most heavily traveled streets spend the most time under construction.

Law of Human Quirks:  Everyone wants to be noticed but no one wants to be stared at.

Law of Institutions:  The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

Law of Kitchen Confusion:  Once a dish is fouled up, anything added to save it only makes it worse.

Law of Legislative Action:  The length of time it takes a bill to pass through the legislature is in inverse proportion to the number of lobbying groups favoring it.

Law of Life’s Highway:  If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Law of Observation:  Nothing looks as good close up as it does from far away.

Law of Political Machinery:  When no viable candidate exists someone will nominate a Kennedy.

Law of Predicted Results: Market research can be conducted and interpreted to prove any desired conclusion.

Law of Probable Dispersal:  Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Law of Regressive Achievement:  Last year’s was always better.

Law of Revelation:  The hidden flaw never remains hidden.

Law of Self Sacrifice: When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

Law of the Great Idea:  The only time you come up with a great solution is after somebody else has solved the problem.

Law of the Individual:  Nobody really cares or understands what anyone else is doing.

Law of the Lie:  No matter how often the lie is shown to be false, there will still remain a percentage of people who believe it true.

Law of the Marketplace:  If only one price can be obtained for any quotation, the price will be unreasonable.

Law of the Perversity of Nature:  You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

Law of the Search:  The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.

Laws of Holes:

To be continued….

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